The "Asking"
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
This past weekend my fiance’s family came to ask for my hand in marriage. I’ve heard stories about what would happen or what would be talked about from my N.xf. (pastor’s wife) and friends, but honestly, you just won’t know what to expect until you’re in the seat. I found it to be a bittersweet and life changing occasion.
Just wanted to share a few thoughts, experience, and things I’ve learned. My experiences alone won’t be able to fully prepare future bride’s for theirs, but I hope this will be able to give some insight, perspective, and encouragement for those to follow.
- When Chu and I got engaged we made a prayer list. The “asking” and “Hmong Wedding” was on our list. Start praying early on for this occasion because it will pave a way and prepare everyone’s heart. Prayer makes all the difference!
- When the groom’s family comes to ask for the bride it truly is much more emotional on the bride’s side of the family. To be very honest, I have never seen my dad cry. I’ve heard his voice tremble when talking about certain things in the past, but he’s always cried behind closed doors. To hear my dad pause, force his words out, and cry is something I’ll never forget. On the other hand, I’ve seen my mom cry before, but it’s definitely different when she’s pouring her heart out for me. My parents declared their love for me and how they would take me back if anything ever happened and I couldn’t be more thankful for them and their love. It’s truly heartbreaking when your parents are giving permission for you to marry into another family and they’re handing you over. To my sisters, if you’re not ready, unsure, or just jumping the gun, please pray about it and hold off until you’re ready. Don’t put your parents in that kind of situation unless you’re positive he’s the one you want to marry and that you’re willing/ready to be a wife and nyab (daughter-in-law). Honestly, whether it’s tears of joy or sorrow you’ll just never forget how your parents cried for you. If your parents don’t cry, don’t worry about it. Their love still runs deep for you, but they were just able to restrain themselves from crying, which I applaud as well because that takes another level of strength.
- When my future in-laws walked in through the door I was so shy! I felt like I couldn’t look them in the eyes haha. I’m really blessed because I’ve known them for a long time and I feel pretty comfortable around them, but I don’t know why I still felt embarrassed and shy. Honestly, as ready as you are, reality sinks in a little more when your in-laws are sitting next to you, telling your parents they want you as their nyab (sooo touching and really sweet to be called nyab). I’m honored to become a part of their family and I’m excited that my family is growing as our families are becoming one. Ultimately, I’m thankful that they love the Lord, they love their son, and they were willing to come and ask for me.
- I am sooo thankful everything was handled by the church, the elders, and Xf.(the pastor). Culturally, when the groom’s family goes to ask for the bride, there are many things that occur, but going through the church made it really simple. Our mediator who spoke for both sides of the family did really good with going over the agenda, moving things along, and explaining things to us. Culturally, my dad wouldn’t even have the right to talk and everything would be conveyed through my relatives, but I’m thankful that my parents got to have their say and express their hearts. Everything went smooth, praise God!
- In the morning, I asked my mom who they were going to invite over, she mentioned a couple of names and I started panicking. I had this thought that if too many people were there and gave their input on the dowry and wedding planning then it would become difficult. Although, I wanted it to be small it ended up being a blessing that my uncles and aunts were there. They solely sat and listened until our mediator opened the floor for marriage advice. Chu and I received some sweet, honest, and funny advice. If they weren’t there than no one would have been there to give us advice and encourage us in this new chapter. Receiving wisdom from the elders in your life is a blessing and should never be dreaded. Thankful to everyone who sacrificed their time and came out to support us.
- Instead of just coming to ask for me, we technically did our Hmong Wedding too so at the end, Chu and I were confused about what to call our parents. The elders and our uncles didn’t say we had to call them “mom” or “dad” so that made it unclear. We asked our parents what we should do and they said to call them “uncle” and “auntie” until we do the American Wedding. Chu and I don’t want to offend any relatives, but both our parents said to wait till the wedding. I know other parents may think differently so if you’re confused, just ask because they will tell you what their preference is.
- By the permission of our parents and the elders as witnesses, Chu and I are married! Although that’s the case, it’s a bit awkward because we’re not legally married by the state and law. Chu and I definitely plan to uphold our purity and refrain from calling each other husband and wife until the ceremony has been performed and papers are signed.
- I know it’s nerve wracking, but try to be as attentive as you can. Remember the words that were said in that room because they’re full of meaning and blessings. A LOT will be said, but it’s worth remembering.
- I had a box of tissues prepared, but I didn’t even get to use it because someone placed it under the table and I couldn’t find it during the whole thing. Always have a box of tissues, even if you don’t think you’re going to cry and keep track of it. Napkins are not nose-friendly.
- With all the nerves, you might not have an appetite, but make sure you still eat. You need the energy, but most importantly I think it would be embarrassing if your stomach started growling. That was the one thought that pushed me to swallow food down my throat that day. It seems like a useless tip, but honestly, it’s up to what you want to risk haha.
Whew, that was pretty emotional running through everything in my head again, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget an occasion like this. Of course, there was so much more intimate and funny stuff that was said, but sisters, I would love to tell you those things personally. Praying that you would be blessed with the things that were shared. For the sisters who have done this before me, thank you for your stories. For the sisters who have yet to do theirs, it’s normal to be nervous, but everything will be fine.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Just wrapped up my last year celebrating Mother and Father’s day with just my parents. Next year, I’ll have two moms and two dads to celebrate. It’s a good thing and a huge blessing, but it’s just something new to get use to.
My parents are the kindest people I know. They are thoughtful, forgiving, hospitable, and hardworking. Despite growing up with very little and not getting to take full advantage of their education, they have always given my siblings and I security in our lives, physical security, emotional security, and spiritual security. They supported me through my education and have always pushed me to Christ. After working in the education field I started to understand my parents a little bit more, but of course I’ll never fully know until I become a parent myself. Being in charge of little souls can be so unfair sometimes. You love them so much and you want the best for them, but because they’re curious, they’re always pushing boundaries. They break the rules and get upset at you when you discipline them. You’re quick to forgive, but they go back and break your heart in the next moment. You celebrate the smallest success because you want them to feel accomplished. When they’re hurt you want to give them the best comfort you can. There were many days at work when I would think back to my parents. I can only imagine how my parents felt when I treated them with the same horrible treatment I got from some of my students. It was humbling and eye opening to see a bit of the kind of heart my parents and ultimately what God has for me.
But seriously, a huge thanks to my parents for demonstrating God’s unconditional love to me through their words, actions, and continual guidance. It’s pretty bittersweet, but I praise God that my family is expanding and there are just more people to celebrate!
Friday, June 1, 2018
Lord, allow my eyes to be on you so that I can see the hurt in others. May I show kindness and gentleness to my brothers and sisters. Allow me to be a source of comfort verses another possible battle they have to fight. -Amen
Not everyone is a hugs person, but I wish I could give hugs to my dear brothers and sisters who are hurting in some type of way right now.
Field Day
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Wow, the last 8 months have been a HUGE learning experience. Being a teacher assistant has been humbling and rewarding in so many ways. I loved seeing their academic growth and personalities grow as well (even the naughty ones lol).
The last week of school was spirit week and then the last day was field day! The students were definitely ready for a fun-filled day. They looked so cute in their tie dye shirts! I’m definitely gonna miss them! But, I’m also soooo ready for summer break too!
Georgia
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Our time in GA was short, but sweet. Congratulations to all the grads!
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Make your mother rejoice by
1. Being wise with your speech.
2. Being wise with your path.
3. Being wise with your decisions.
Proverbs 23:15-25
Living a life of wisdom and honoring God makes your mother rejoice. Do you make your mother rejoice? One of my favorite Mother’s Day message.
God's Will Above All Else
Friday, April 20, 2018
Where are you most grateful God didn’t give you what you wanted?
If God gave me everything I thought I wanted, I would definitely not trust in His grace and sovereignty in my life, but in my own abilities. Even if I desired and used all of my efforts to gain something, God could still withhold it from me for the good of His will in my life. Sometimes it’s hard to understand and it doesn’t seem like a good enough reason at the moment, but it actually means everything! Our hearts should always be desiring God’s will for our lives, verses our own will. I am reminded of Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way that seems right to a person, but its end is the way to death” and 16:9 “A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.” Some of our desires may not be bad, even a good thing, but if there’s a chance of it leading to a path of death, the Lord will intervene. Sometimes it’s a painful intervention and other times it’s a beautiful one, but the Lord will always have your best interest at heart. I know, some days it’s hard to see and believe, but that’s okay. It’s okay to feel the pain, because afterwards when God’s greater will is revealed, it will be worth it. It’s so wonderful that He knows the deep desires of our hearts and He is orchestrating everything in His own timing to work out accordingly to His will. When it happens, it will be beautiful!
Growing up, I was interested in certain people, but nothing ever happened. I was in two relationships that ended with heartaches. The idea of marriage seemed so far away, but today, I am engaged to the sweetest man I know! The closed doors and heartaches were God’s way of saving me, preparing me, and molding me for the man I am now going to marry. I couldn’t be more thankful.
Currently, I am in a season of waiting for a full-time teaching position. I want to start teaching soon, but interviews seem to be failing and I’m not even sure if I will be able to get my teaching license soon. I have such a huge desire to be teaching and a better position would also help with my financial situation right now, but I want to trust that He has something special saved for me. This wonderful position may come soon or it may come after I get my license, but right now His grace and provision in my life is enough for me. This season of waiting has a purpose so I pray that I will be faithful to Him with all that I have while I wait. I know the prize will be worth it.
Sweet Moments
Friday, March 16, 2018
It’s Friday and sometimes you just need to be reminded of sweet moments from the week.
Moment one: I was preparing our book folders for the students and one of them comes up and says, “I wish I was older so that I could help you. When I become a highschooler, I’ll always come down and help you.” Melted my heart! Thanks LB.
Moment two: “You’re pretty!” A little affirmation from a 1st grader made my day. I wasn’t feeling too pretty that day because I felt sick and looked like Rudolph the red nose reindeer. Thanks, AV.
Well, that’s it! It’s Friday and my brain is fried. I should do this daily so I don’t forget.
Thursday, February 1, 2018
There are many women that I admire and respect, but it’s crazy how that admiration can quickly change into jealously or a desire to be accepted by them. It’s definitely because of my insecurities. I want to be like them or I want to be embraced and loved by them. It’s silly and something I never wanted to admit, but it’s a struggle that often makes its way to the surface and affects some of my relationships. Although, I desire to just have a genuine relationship with these sisters, it’s hard to fight off the thoughts that they’re better than me or that their opinions of me is what matters. I find myself trying to please them and perfect myself. In the end, it just becomes awkward. Where’s the genuineness in that? Most importantly, how is this mindset pleasing to the Lord?
The jealousy that I have for my sisters is a sin and not a characteristic of God. Other than my insecurities, it’s because my focus is too much on myself and not on God. The great news (there is always great news with God) is that I can overcome this by being more like Christ. As I become more like Christ, I’ll be able to produce the fruits that I was meant to produce, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and etc. (Galatians 5: 22-23). As these situations occur, the Lord continues to stretch my heart more with love for myself and others. I know I shouldn’t be intimidated or envious of other sisters who are gifted, talented, and excelling in life. I want to be able to celebrate with them and learn from them. When I’m too immersed with the world and not with God I forget that He created us ALL in His image and with the same purpose. I shouldn’t feel threatened or belittled by any of my sisters. I’m also not in charge of placing a value on any of our worth because of our different talents, personalities, and accomplishments. Instead, I’ve been praying that God would change my heart and my mind to cheer and pray for these sisters because I’m running the same race, I want to finish the race with them, and celebrate together.
Monday, January 1, 2018
My simple goals for 2018 are to…
1. keep desiring God
2. honor Him in everything
3. Live in His joy
4. be intentional and genuine
5. travel
6. keep doing the things that I love to do and to discover more things to love.
7. make healthy choices
It’s going to be a busy year, but I’m looking forward to how God is going to continue to stretch and mold me. God is still working in my heart daily to weed lies and unhealthy things out. I’m praying that He’ll fill me up with more of Him so that I can display genuineness in everything that I do. It’s going to be a year where I will really have to be intentional with my time, money, and relationships. Although there may be moments where I’m swamped with responsibilities, I pray that He’ll always be my number one desire, joy, and motivation. I recognize that I constantly fail in being His image barrier, but He is so full of grace and that’s why I am able to pick up my cross daily. Honestly, these are just life goals/values that I want to seal in my heart. I’ll definitely be adding more.
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